Thursday, July 11, 2024

About Social Drinking

A question I received several years back from a Parent, and the answer I gave. I

think it is very much relevant still today.

Question:  What should we be telling our 2nd gen. concerning social drinking?


This question has been the most difficult for me to answer so far.  Not necessarily because I do not know the answer, but I want to make sure that I would not be misunderstood, and/or misrepresent True Parents.  Also, through my answer I want to help not cause additional confusion and possibly alienate blessed children or others.

It cannot be denied that social drinking has been observed among Unification Church members, and we cannot pretend that it does not happen.

This time I am going with bullet points to begin my answer and then elaborate on them.

1)      TF cannot openly approve of social drinking
2)      One must be educated as to the ups and down of alcohol consumption and the mechanisms of addiction
3)      It is best not to judge the behavior of another
4)      Each individual should take responsibility for what they do

I have never heard any speech or read any document where True Father endorsed drinking, including social drinking.  It is obvious to me why True Father would not publicly endorse the use of alcohol.  True Father is not here to micro manage any of us.  But, for example, if he would have said something like, “Social drinking is okay,” would we be capable of knowing when social drinking stops and actual dependency starts?  It would be hard to tell.  It is well known among medical circles that many so-called “social drinkers” are actually dependent on alcohol and, therefore, way beyond social drinking status.

Peer pressure is what usually causes a young person to start drinking, but this is not the best reason for starting to taste alcohol. The more knowledgeable about the pitfalls of drinking alcohol, the better the chance a young person will have not to start.  The more immature reason for starting to drink is to do it because others are doing it.

I am French; in the French culture drinking alcohol starts at baptism and, at least when I was there, never ended!   I drank growing up in a French household, however, I am not a drinker.  I have done it on occasion in the past and observed that actually even though I do like the taste of a sweet red wine, my body does not like it.

Young people are very judgmental, it comes with the territory, and it is important that we guide them to make decisions that they can be comfortable with for a very long time.

Hopefully, by the time a parent is dealing with late teen difficult questions such as “social drinking,” there is enough of a trust element between the parent and the child for the conversation to be truthful and helpful.  One element that is very important to teach one’s child is non-judgment.  Judgment belongs to God, not to humans.  If we start judging other people’s behaviors, we limit ourselves in our ability to comprehend others and see them from God’s point of view.

Many religious leaders in the past and present have lost their flocks because they were not able to live according to the standard they were demanding from their followers.  Does that mean that their religious principles were false?  Not necessarily.  Religious people throughout history have failed miserably to follow basic principles taught by most faiths.  Does that mean that we should not try to follow God’s principles?  Yes we should try--forever try to be the best people we can be.  If a blessed child talks him or herself into the idea that it is okay to drink simply because they have seen church leaders, their own parents, or their peers doing it, they are passing judgment, and their motivation for drinking is not necessarily the best.

One will have to make up one’s own mind according to one’s conscience as to whether it is okay to drink a glass of wine or a beer in a particular setting.  And one will have to live with the action of doing so. One’s spiritual growth is dependent on every action taken throughout one’s life.

I am reminded of one of the most famous Buddhist stories passed from one generation to the next. It goes like this:

In the old days man was close to nature and it was easy to become silent. This story belongs to that time. One day two Buddhist monks were returning to their monastery in silence.

A small river used to flow close to their monastery. Walking slowly, meditatively, they came across the river.  They needed to cross it but there was no boatman.  A beautiful young lady was waiting for a boatman to cross the river. The sun was about to set and darkness was spreading its kingdom.
They all waited for some time for the boatmen and eventually decided to cross the river on their own. The younger of the two monks carried the lady on his shoulder, and three of them then managed the crossing. On the other side of the river the lady thanked the monks and went on her way. The two monks started moving towards their monastery, again in a meditative state. After some time the older monk broke the silence "I will tell everything to Master." The young monk was surprised and asked, "And what will you tell Master"?  The old monk said, "That your reputation is spoiled. You have carried a woman on your shoulders, and it is a sin for a monk to touch a woman.” The young monk replied "I only dropped the woman at the river bank. But you are still carrying her in your head."

Drinking a beer or a glass of wine once in a while is a bit the same.  If the one doing the drinking is going to carry on the burden of doing so for days on end, then one should not do the drinking in the first place.  On the other hand, if one does drink a glass of wine with a meal for whatever the reason, appreciates it and is grateful for being able to do so without succumbing to drunkenness and addiction, then that person most likely will be able to handle the spiritual responsibility of it quite well.
One last point before I close:  education is the best way to help someone’s behavior.  If I was a high school or college teacher I would have my students do research on the effects of alcohol--in the family, and in the workplace.  I would have them research not just the social effects, but also the monetary effect of alcohol consumption and alcohol dependency.

That is the best I can do at this time, I hope it helps,


Friday, March 29, 2024

Joshua and Caleb verses Cain and Abel

This morning reading during our prayer meeting (HDK), True Mother spoke about Joshua and Caleb. She says: “Throughout their lives, Joshua and Caleb remained loyal to Heaven, and they led the chosen people into Canaan.”

I then realized, that referring to each other as Cain or Abel may not be the best way anymore. What about if we were using the expression “Joshua and Caleb” instead?

Cain and Abel had their time. Including in our movement.

We referred to each other as either being in the position of Cain or Abel. I have prayed many prayers, mentioning the necessity for Abels to become “True Abels” so that Cains become “True Cains”. However, this morning reading, tells me that it is time for us to refer to each other’s as Joshua and Caleb instead. They had a relationship of respect towards each other with the same goals. They supported each other and each found their place in the providence in accordance with their own abilities.

Our young people of today are the one who are going to face the end of the last days. Not an easy task. The only way they will make it, is by supporting, caring, and working together with the same goals. Thinking “Joshua and Caleb” is a good way.

With gratitude, always,


Thursday, March 21, 2024

Living for the sake of others, how to apply this life principle?

It is not difficult to fulfill this when the situation is obvious that someone needs help, many of us will rush to help, give money, provide a meal, and pray.

However, living for the sake of others is a lot more than just taking care of emergencies. Living for the sake of others is to be constantly aware of what we do and not do, which might affect someone else’s life and emotions.

One example:

I have seen, way too many times, in my line of work, the missing opportunities of “living for the sake of others”. The example below is, unfortunately too frequent.

Singles register on OMS in order to find a spouse. They create a profile, they become a candidate. Then, at some point, via a different source they do find someone, and start an earnest conversation. However, they do not notify me, so that their profile becomes invisible to others.

In the meantime, their profile still gets looked at, and shared by Matching Supporters to candidates. Someone gets their hopes up because they read a good profile that truly appeal to them. And then, suddenly, we get an email that tells us, the individual has been in a relationship for a while now, could you please turn the profile off?

This is truly sad.

Tuesday, January 16, 2024

Definition of a True Woman

A true woman will have accomplished what she was created for.  A true woman will have the feeling of fulfillment that will resonate throughout her being.  A true woman will have experienced all feminine aspect of God’s love.  A true woman will know she is not a man and will have no desire to ever compete with one or become one.

 A true woman can give life.  A true woman can nurture life.  A true woman can look at her husband and sons in ecstasy and be proud of their worldly accomplishments without envy, their victories are her doing.  A true woman will raise her daughters to become true woman.

 In an ideal world, a true woman shall be found at all levels of society.  She will not be found there because she victoriously overcame men’s rules.  She will be found there because she was the best individual for the position she now holds.
This post was originally posted in February 2014.


Saturday, January 13, 2024

Our names...

This picture is from late May 1979 - Jim and Tula Mylar, President Salonen, Kem and I.



From the time I was engaged to my future husband Kem Mylar, I was always presented to a new comer as “Kem’s wife”, not Anne-Marie, but “Kem’s wife”. I had no problem with it. From the very beginning I appreciated the choice that Rev. Moon had made in choosing him as my future husband.

He was, at that time, the assistant of the President of HSA-UWC in the USA. Many brothers and sisters knew him.

Thirty-one years later, A matching platform, which I created became live. It is called the “Online Matching System”. Quite quickly, it started to be used across the world as one of the tools for the new generations of Unificationists to find their future spouse.

My husband then became “Anne-Marie’s husband”, not Kem, any more, but “Anne-Marie’s husband”. He used to joke about it, he did not mind it. He actually loved it.

He and I were and still are today “one”.
Thank you Heavenly Parent and True Parents for our blessed lives.

The black and white picture is our very first picture together - We had just been matched. The other picture is our last one - August 2012. About 5 weeks prior to his departure to the Spiritual World.

Sunday, December 24, 2023

Let us seek the beauty within our heart...

Someone shared with me recently the poem below. It remind us that love, heart, and beauty can be found in every human being. It is not exclusive to certain groups or races.

A peaceful and meaningful world will only exist when we humble ourselves enough to realized that we know very little about each other and therefore before we kill out of fear or hate we need to learn each others heart and soul.



Rumi or Jalāl al-Dīn Muammad Rūmī, was a 13th-century poet and Sufi mystic originally from Afghanistan in the then Greater Iran.


I tried to find Him at the cross of the Christians, but He was not there.

I went to the temples of the Hindus and to the ancient pagodas, but there was no trace of Him anywhere.

I searched for Him in the mountains and valleys, but I could neither find Him in the high places nor in the low places.

I went to the Kaaba in Mecca, but He was not there either.

I questioned the scholars and philosophers, but He was beyond their understanding.

Then, I examined my heart, and it was there that He was dwelling when I found Him.

He is nowhere else.


source: book by Johannes Huber – “Die Datenbank der Ewigkeit”, Seite 217

Sunday, September 24, 2023

History verses Memories

I participate every morning to a Morning Prayer Meeting. It is via Zoom. I truly enjoy seeing many of my fellow brothers and sisters. I enjoy sharing with them for several minutes every day. They are kind to me, and I am kind to them too.

These days we are reading from a book titled, "Mother of Peace". True Mother (Dr. Hak Ja Han), is describing the story of her life, starting with her Grand-Mother, and Mother, at the time where Korea was occupied by Japan.

Suddenly a flow of thoughts came to me and I wanted to share them below.

My reflection would be too long to share in a few minutes. For the 1st 17 years of my life the only stories that I heard from my parents about their lives, were the 5 years of war/occupation of France during World War Two. When one is in the middle of a dramatic event, it cannot be remove from memory and will dominate (take subject position) the life of the individual. That is one of the reasons that World Peace is necessary - so that we can go beyond this kind of memories.

We cannot forget history - but we should not re-lived it every day either. And only those who did not live it, can be able to do so.

Healing process will come from the lives of those

who did not actually live the actual event.